It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
