Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
