The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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