I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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