the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
