By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Randomize
