We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
