I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I love you. Go after that dick
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
