so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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