we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize