Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
