Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
