If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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