I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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