Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
