I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
