You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
