I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She announced her abortion via fbk
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
