Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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