If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
