Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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