I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
After last night, I could never be a politician.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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