i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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