you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
