the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
