How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My ass is underappreciated
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize