you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
