Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
