I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
