I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
