My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
