can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
