That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
