So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
