Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When did angry sex become our thing?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
