why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
