you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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