I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
