i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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