I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
