Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
