she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
