your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
