Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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