I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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