So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
