you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
