Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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