i was born a porn star she said
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
zippers are such a cool invention
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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