after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
