just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
