Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
