Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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