When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
