She just used a chaser for red wine.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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