Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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