When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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