You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
