I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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