so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
