im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
