moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
