Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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