Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
