You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
