As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
