that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Vodka?
Forever.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
