I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
