Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
