Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
