so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Randomize
