Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
